People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
