me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
