she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize