Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
