When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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