i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
