i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize