its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize