First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't notice because vodka
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
