no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
