Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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