i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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