you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
