I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
