She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
