covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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