What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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