yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
