Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
