Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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