i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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