please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
