Whod you bang
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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