He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
