I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
