Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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