i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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