all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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