I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
