How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
