I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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