WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
