I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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