worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
