Tell her she can't have a vagina
Please, let me fuck your mom
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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