That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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