Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
