4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
