i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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