He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
