I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
