By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
