when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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