im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Less talking, more tequila
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize