conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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