I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
