We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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