She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
