party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize