I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
