So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
