i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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