I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
