Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
