Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
