I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
