omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
