He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
