If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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