This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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