its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
