Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
