none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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