dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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