I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
