You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
