sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
