So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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