ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
