I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
