my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
