420 ftw
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
