Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
