AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize